**January 2017**

TYL for allowing me to see the beginning of a New Year!!!

I believe this is the year of my complete healing; body, soul and mind.

(And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful. Revelation 21:5)

It isn’t about the material things in life, it is all about living for the Lord and extending His knowledge and love to others. His grace and mercy has brought me this far.

I had my regular monthly oncologist visit. He wanted to make a decision about the clinical trial (chemo pills). I told him I think we could wait until my next CT scan since the one in December wasn’t accurate. He agreed and told me he would see me in March. He didn’t feel there was any need for me to come back in February for a routine visit. However, if there was any reason of concern, I could call and cme in. TYL, the doctor is able to see that I am not his typical case.

(Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord. Psalm 27:14)

Today is my 60th birthday, TYL!!!. I am so grateful to be here. Even though I have to work, it is alright. I will be able to be around people. There really isn’t much I want, just a day of peace and family. WOW did that ever turn around. I had a coworker turn in her resignations, because of problems with day care, another is talking about it and a third may be leaving at the end of the school year if her husband takes a job out of state.  Computer problems, but that is nothing new. The day ended with my son and his family coming over and bringing dinner. So with the other “well wishers” it was a GREAT day. (This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24)

Tonight while surfing facebook I came across a tape by Dr. Juanita Bynum. She was speaking about being Christians in a “strange land”. After the day I had at work this completely enlightened me about the new spirit that is at my job. I understand that if this is in the church than what should we expect in every other part of our lives. I am glad to know that the Lord has a lot of different areas of ministering to me, I just need to be open to listen for the  message. TYL for your message. (Then spake Haggai the Lord's messenger in the Lord's message unto the people, saying, I am with you, saith the Lord. Haggai 1:13)

December 2016

This month had truly been one that I could look at being depressing or faith building.

My old boss move to a new position with the company. He and I had been working together for over 15 years and have prayed with each other through many job and family related matters. I know that it is a good move for him, but he knew he was also going into an area that he didn’t know how he would be accepted. He is in my prayers for strength. TYL that you will never leave me. (Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. Hebrews 13:5)

I had an appointment with my family doctor, she had a big concern about my continued weight loss. She mentioned the possibility of inserting a feeding tube. Without hesitation, I let her know that there would not be any cutting on this body. However, she was amazed, “WOWed” at the results of my blood work. TYL Everything was within normal range. She could not understand with all that suppose to be wrong with me and the weight loss, why something didn’t show in my blood work. (But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; 1 Corinthians 1:27)

My basement remodel was finished and the appraiser for the refinance made his walk through. I knew if his appraisal did not come back with the correct figures, there would be no refinancing. I knew the Lord was in  control and has been helping me pay the bills and I believe He will continue to do so. Either way, I wasn’t worried TYL. (And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: Matthew 6:28)

My doctor set an appointment with the dietitian and for a colonoscopy. I went to the dietitian and we discussed ways to increase my protein intake and stabilize my weight. The next day I went to the oncologist and had my quarterly CT scan. TYL I had gained almost 2 pounds in two weeks, that was encouraging, but the doctor was not pleased with the results of my CT scan. It looked like there were additional spots on my liver and lungs. I couldn’t even be upset. (Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10) Every other time I had a scan someone was with me, but this time I felt confident in the Lord that He was with me no matter what the results. My friend, who I did not remind of the appointment, felt the need to be in pray for me and gave me a call. When I told her where I was and what the report was I reminded her “the Lord has this all in control”. I told the doctor that I had been feeling some additional pains, but I have been under a different amount of stress. However, overall, I really was feeling better. Then he smiled and pointed up saying “that’s right He’s got this”. We discussed the colonoscopy and he told me to have it cancelled because we did not want any additional complications. WOW, talking about a peace. (. . . Be perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you. 2 Corinthians 13:11)  He was truly with me that day.

Two days before Christmas - my Mom goes into the hospital with stomach pains from her hernia. So we spend the next 5 days visiting her in the hospital. Then the day Mom was getting out was also my oldest granddaughter’s birthday and a friend went home to be with the Lord. She had been battling for 18 months and was given 24 hours to live on Christmas Eve. TYL that she made it past Christmas day for the family. Some people think she lost the battle, but I believe she won the war and is now where we are all trying to go, HOME.

So December 2016 was a very different kind of celebration month, but TYL, I know you are in control and your love and peace is awesome. The Lord willing, I will be posting more next year. Praying for and with you all, in Jesus name Amen.

November 2016

My blood work continues to be within normal range, but there are some concerns about my appetite and weight loss. I feel about the same and haven't changed any of my activities, but food doesn't seem to be a priority.

During this month of Thanksgiving, God is showing me that while I am thankful for all He is doing and how far I have come I also have to Forgive, it is part of healing.

Some years ago, I came across a saying and I have it posted to remind me:

“Holding a GRUDGE ~ is letting someone live

Rent free ~ in your head”

The Lord has shown me that not forgiving others don’t harm them, but causes me to be miserable and lead to illnesses in my body. After praying, He shown me things from even my childhood that I have been holding.

(For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14)

My prayer: “Dear Lord help me to let go and forgive these people and situations.

Some of the people are not even living and those that are I want to

be able to face them with Your love in my heart. I sincerely ask you to

forgive me for allowing Satan to control that part of my mind for so long.

In Jesus name I thank you. Amen.”

(To the Lord our God belong mercies and forgivenesses, though we have rebelled against him; Daniel 9:9)
Without considering it, I had been rebelling against the Lord by holding on to these things. I thank Him for His forgiveness and I believe this was the beginning of a successful 15 hour trip in the backseat of a van with NO back pain. You see, Thanksgiving this year was at my brother’s and I thought about how miserable I might be, because sometimes I can’t even sit for a 2 hour meeting without getting up moving around. TYL for allowing me to make the trip both ways without even a pain pill. There were others in the vehicle that were sitting in individual seats that were complaining, but the Lord let that cramped backseat just fit me. The families were together again with the bonus of my niece's wedding. It was another blessed Thanksgiving season.

October 2016

TYL Even though I am not having treatments, it seems I still have a lot of doctor appointments.

My appointment with the eye doctor proved to be another “amazing” visit. There was hardly any change in my vision and the “white of your eyes are not as yellow”. This month I am claiming my healing and want there to be outward signs that others can see. TYL for continuing to show your faithfulness to me. (And in that day ye shall ask me nothing. Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it you. John 16:23)

The Lord continue to allow me to testify to others of His goodness, I believe this is another way of testifying to myself. Sometimes keeping the faith and standing strong is hardest for me when I see others going through. I can become sympathetic with them and start feeling for illnesses. TYL for reminding me that my life is not my own, but a testimony of your grace, mercy and healing power.

(But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God. Acts 20:24)

September 2016

TYL that as I continue “No Treatments” and seek you, you are  clearing my thoughts and my ability to concentrate on everyday business. (Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.  Proverbs 16:3)

9-20-16 TYL for the warning you sent last night in the form of a mouse. The mouse ran to the doorway but quickly turned and did not come in. (He heard the sound of the trumpet, and took not warning; his blood shall be upon him. But he that taketh warning shall deliver his soul. Ezekiel 33:5)  Today I received a call from my past and you helped me stay firm in my faith in you. I saw the mouse incident along with what was being said as a reminder of how you have been taking care of me and Chris. I was glad to hear that things in their life were getting better, but I did  not feel the urge to reconnect our lives. TYL for all of the blessings and people you have sent my way since this journey began. I can’t thank you enough. (I will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth. Psalm 34:1)

8-4-16 My monthly blood and weight check. They are both stable, TYL. It is only by His grace and mercy that I am yet fighting the fight. I know of other friends, that I consider as family, that are not doing so well. TYL that I have not had any surgeries or long term hospitalizations. I continue to pray against the enemy that is attacking them and their families. I realize that the attack is not just against me but everyone that loves and cares about me, in some way we all suffer.

During this journey I have had the chance to read a lot of awesome writings and I am convinced that anything that is not like the Lord or for my good is an enemy to me. (And Joshua said unto them, Fear not, nor be dismayed, be strong and of good courage: for thus shall the Lord do to all your enemies against whom ye fight. Joshua 10:25) When you know who or what the enemy is better it makes the fight easier. I didn’t always know the enemy or think I had the proper weapons needed to fight. (When I wept, and chastened my soul with fasting, that was to my reproach. Psalm 69:10)  The Lord heard my cries and showed me what I needed to do or say. So along with not calling my condition out I stop allowing others, including my doctors, to use the medical term for it. I would stop anyone and say “I have been told I have an inoperable mass in my liver”. I have been used to speaking or claiming things that the Lord did not mean for me to keep, NOT ANY MORE. It is a fight of reconditioning the way I think and pray. TYL for loving me and the people you send to encourage me and allow me to testify of your goodness. My His blessings be with you is my continued prayer.

7-1-16        It has been a little over a month since my last treatment. I guess I had hoped I would instantly be the person I was 3 or 4 years ago. I do feel better, not as tired all of the time. I believe I will continue feel to better each day. TYL (Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. Mark 11:24)

7-3-16        A lady told me I had a good attitude with everything that I have been through and what I am going through now. I told her we all have choices and although it may not change the outcome, it makes me feel better and I hope the people around me too. Carrying a sign or portraying a “doomed” appearance makes me feel worse. I can’t speak for anyone but me, “It lightens the load knowing I am not walking alone and He would want me to look my best and encourage others to the best of my ability.” (He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? Micah 6:8)

7-7-16        Another check up. Everything is looking good, except I lost weight. My appetite is not the best, but I have been trying to eat, and people are trying to help me by providing a variety of foods for us. TYL for caring people and I pray for each of them to have good health and prosper. (For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11)

7-19-16    3:30 a.m. I was awaken by music. At first I thought my son had come home from work and was playing the gospel channel, then I realized it was coming from the computer. “Glory, Glory Hallelujah since I laid my burdens down”. (And I will take you to me for a people, and I will be to you a God: and ye shall know that I am the Lord your God, which bringeth you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians. Exodus 6:7) After trying to turning off the computer, reading, checking on Chris, trying to get comfortable on the couch, I did what I felt the Lord was telling me to do “WRITE”. It is now 5:18 a.m., I am feeling tired and soon it will be time to start the day, but I know He will help me have a peaceful day. TYL He helped me have a peaceful restful day.

It has been a busy month. I a so glad I am able to assist with things at the church and the Lord is helping me feel better. I still have my ups and downs, but I know He is always with me.