A note to those of you who are reading this blog. Whatever journey you may be on, because I know we all have our journeys in this life, I hope this has been an encouragement to you. You are all an encouragement to me. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. God is truly awesome. Even though I may not know you I pray for you. TYL

I hope you will see how the Lord can bless when we follow His instructions. Things that my son’s father was suppose to get done just seemed to start happening after I let go. I believe the Lord directed and placed people in my path to help get the upgrades I needed done.

8-28-15 Sump pump got fixed for a 1/10 of what someone else had estimated the basement problem to be.

8-31-15 Leaky skylights were fixed.

9-3-15 New driveway with all of the necessary ramps for Chris.

9-9-15 Quarterly CT scan.

9-10-15 The scan showed little change in size or shape. I continue to believe that the Lord has a purpose for this journey. With all of the good He was showing me, I have started feeling sick and weak after the treatments. Food doesn’t taste like I remember and I don’t want to eat. The Lord is blessing that I am yet able to drive myself to and from my treatments, although there are family and friends that has volunteered to do so if and when I need them.

Speaking of my family and friends they have been calling, stopping by and even providing meals for Chris and I as needed, sometimes we are blocking blessings by hanging on the the past. TYL

9-19-15 My family remodeled the master bedroom and I was able to get the new furniture I had wanted. I thank the Lord for everyone that worked on the remodel and I continue to pray for you too.

TYL Because of an error on my tax return, the finances were available to get these upgrades done without going into a lot of debt.

(And all these blessings shall come on thee, and overtake thee, if thou shalt hearken unto the voice of the Lord thy God. Deuteronomy 28:2)

9-21-15 Came to work with no money. Did not know what I was going to do for lunch. Today the moral building group at work gave everyone a bag of chips and a $10.00 bill. WOW. TYL

9-22-15 Looking for a store receipt to return an item, I found a $10.00 bill tuck with the receipts. TYL

9-23-15 Got my notice today that my Dish cable bill had been paid. I was expecting a payment of $143.00 to come out, the bill was only $70.86. You truly can’t beat God’s giving. TYL

9-26-15 Today, while trying to figure out next month's bills, I believe the Lord told me everything with my son’s father will be finalized and not to worry about anything after 10-1-15. There were bills that were joint and I didn’t want to disconnect things until I knew he was able to take care of them himself. I know he gets paid when we do on Friday, which would be 10-2-15, so I asked for Saturday. (And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. Galatians 6:9)

9-27-15 I am having problems with numbness in my toes and fingers. Today I feel no numbness in my left foot. TYL

9-28-15 I mentioned that the toilet in the master bathroom was leaking. My friend had her son-in-law fixed it for the cost of a wax ring, that I already had. TYL and blessings to you both.

This is quite a change, knowing I can’t do things for myself because I don’t have the energy. I’m not used to relying on others to do things for me, I have been the one that does for others. Those that are offering their help, I appreciate, but I try to only call on them when I really need to. Knowing that God is taking care of us and showing His love and care since 8-22-15, I have been living in a peace that I have never experienced before. You are so awesome God. TYL

July 2015 I was praying in the middle of the night asking the Lord to help and show me what to do to get my life straight with Him. It wasn’t about being healed, I just wanted to know that when I die I will be at peace with the Lord. I could hear Him say: “I can’t bless in this mess”. I was trying to hold on to a past that wasn’t for me. There were things that I had paid for that still needed to be done around the house and I didn’t want to let go until those things were done. Although every day I was being shown there was no intention on getting things fixed right away. I had bought the parts, but there was always an excuse to put off the fix until another day. Help me Lord to fix it and I will stop trying to fix things myself. I know that I can rely on you because you have always helped me physically, mentally, spiritually and financially when I didn’t know  how I was going to get through another month or even another day. (And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, Lord, hast not forsaken them that seek thee. Psalm 9:10) Help me to remember it is you Lord that provided and will provide.

7-25-15 Mom’s birthday party, it was a not treatment weekend. TYL for helping me arrange and be able to attend this somewhat surprise party for mom, I say somewhat because some of my nephews and nieces told her about it before time. It was a wonderful weekend with my family and friends of the family. We celebrated my Mom and brother-in-law birthdays. On the night of the dinner party for my brother-in-law, my sister came to me and confirmed what the Lord had said. She told me I need to let him go. It is God who gives second chances not us. I told her the Lord and I were working on it and it will happen in His time. She gave me a big hug before leaving that night. I had to work the next day (yes, I am still working whenever I am not taking treatments TYL) so I didn’t get to see them leave.

8-8-15 Another treatment weekend and the finalization of holding on to the past. The Lord gave me what to write. It was important that the date and conditions were in writing so there would not be any misunderstanding. He had two weeks, August 22, to make things right or move on. Although he tried to show reasons why he should have more time, it wasn’t something I could give him, I had to think about what was happening to me and the effects this lifestyle was having on both Chris and myself. TYL for guiding me, not allowing me to speak, or make any changes to what you had told me.

As I continue to work, come home, take care of what I could with the energy I had, he continued to do very little to show any signs of change.

8-22-15 He made arrangements to stay with a friend for a few months. This family just happened to live within looking distance of my home. It is also the family that he would spend most of his time helping, even when Chris and I needed him. I thought of many things as he left, but the Lord reminded me of all of the people that were waiting to help do the things they thought were getting done by him, I just needed to let them know I needed them. I had put a lot of trust in him and the abilities he said he had and things he was going to do. (Put not your trust in princes, nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help.  Psalm 146:3) This was the beginning of increasing my faith that the Lord would take care of all my needs.

Flashback: So I called Cancer Treatment Center of America and happened to speak

to the same operator  that I had spoke to in May 2014. He was glad to tell me that the insurance was  accepted at their Zion, Illinois center. (WOW, I thought Zion, what a name for  a city that would try to help people heal.) There was a man who came into my job and his wife was telling me about the treatment center in Zion, when I told her she was very happy for me. Later, I told my niece, who sings gospel with a traveling ministry, she said their group had been there and let me read a book about the man who help start and pray out the city. When this all started I was hoping I would be able to go to the one in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. I had heard good things about it too from some friends, and it would be a closer drive.

7-1-15 My daughter-in -law gave birth to the granddaughter twins. TYL I was able to speak with her and my son before and after she delivered. I was able to see,hold and pray for those precious babies. Although these was not their first children, it was the first since all of this had taken place in my life. I TYL that there were no real complications with mother or daughters.

7-4-15 The twins were being released, so we stopped by the hospital on our way out of town. TYL I thought Mom, Pop and Chris were going, Chris’s father would go to help drive but he didn’t. It was an amazing adventure, but the Lord helped us all of the way. We stopped, spent the night and then drove the rest of the way on 7-5-15, my first appointment was Monday 7-6-15 morning.

July 6 thru 12 This was a week of classes, prayer and more test. It is truly an amazing place. The television advertisements could not accurately portray the love, warmth and spiritual feeling I felt upon arriving. Everyone at the hotel, which is connected with the hospital, was just as welcoming to me and my family as the people at the hospital. Many of the people that I spoke with while I was there had been patients before they became part of the staff, so they had first hand experience of what people needed and how to be empathetic to our needs. We even stopped at a few stores and restaurants while we were there and the people that helped us seemed to have the same helpful attitude. After all of the testing, the end results was the same and even the treatment that they had planned was the same as my doctor at the KU treatment center at home.Overall it was a scary, uncertain experience, but with my family there to help me through each day and the peace of mind knowing what was happening with Chris, it made it easier. TYL for your continued strength, the time away and a place like Zion.

(I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13)

7-13-15 I returned to my home doctor who put me at ease. I didn’t want anyone here to feel I had put things off to seek help somewhere else. Instead he was glad I went for a second opinion. We both wished there may have been something different they could have done. I let him know that I would be staying here for treatments and that I had my first one there. He had received the records and scheduled my second treatment for Thursday the 16th. I told him about my trip and he was amazed that I had done almost all of the driving there and all of the driving back after my first treatment. TYL, it was only by His grace, love and the prayers of those that knew we were on the road, that we were able to make it.

7-21-15 I had my surgery to implant the port for future chemotherapy treatments. My first treatment was by “picc line”. The second was intravenous. I didn’t know how long I would be receiving these treatments but I knew I wanted something more stable and with less chance of infection.

“God wants me healed, I am His child,

I want to be healed, By His stripes I am healed, restored and alive

(Who His own self bare our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed. 1 Peter 2:24)

The devil wants to kill, steal and destroy

He will not kill, steal or destroy me

(The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. John 10:10)

I am healed in JESUS’ name and by HIS blood

May 2015 Another month of waiting, praying and LIVING. I have decided that I am a puzzle to the medical field, or maybe there really isn’t anything they can do for me. Just waiting until next month's CT scan and its results. Whatever the situation, I must keep my faith in God and try to correct any wrongs in my life. TYL for this chance. (But without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him.) Hebrews 11:6

6-4-15 Today I get another CT scan to see how the T.A.C.E. treatments from last year are working.

Sitting and waiting, looking at the people as they come and go

I realize how precious life is and how uncertain.

There are no age barriers, no race barriers, no economic barriers

We all share a common bond,

A need to do what we can to extend our lives.

We are here for help, 

We are here to start, continue and maintain treatment. 

Unexpected, unbelievable, unwanted, 

But we are in a lot of ways, though weak in body,  

Stronger than we were, in spirit

This fight will increase our faith or we will lose it altogether

WE ARE FIGHTING…WE are walking witnesses of our FAITH

(Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, where unto thou art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses. 1 Timothy 6:12)

6-11-15 The results are in, they are not as good as we had hoped. The mass had not increased in size, but it had not shown the amount of decrease the doctors had expected. So, where do we go from here. I think about all of the times God has delivered me, family members and friends from various situations, I believe that there is a plan. “Because if God allowed it to be where it is, so you can’t operate, He has a plan. I must believe this and give Him the glory”, these were my words to the doctor. (Ye are my witnesses, saith the Lord, and my servant whom I have chosen: that ye may know and believe me, and understand that I am He: before me there was no God formed, neither shall there be after me. Isaiah 43:10)  After leaving the doctor’s office, I cried. Many thoughts crossed my mind and who and how I would tell them these results. It has already been over a year since I was first diagnosed, so every day is a blessing. TYL. I must think of it like I do with Chris - Every day is an additional day to enjoy with him the best I can.

Love

Is Life’s ups and downs brings out the best and worst in people

For You will definitely know where Love is

Ever

When I told those that lived in the home with me the results and my plan to wait until August to start constant Chemotherapy treatments there was silence. My son decided to give me the analogy of a car that had a leaking oil hose. “Would you continue to drive it and wait until it completely broke down or would you get it fixed as soon as possible.”

Flashback: Last year when I was first diagnosed, I heard a commercial about the

Cancer Treatment of America. I called, but because of the insurance I

had at the time through my job, I was not eligible.  In June of this year the

company changed insurance carriers and this one was accepted at the

center. TYL I felt it was time to make an appointment and get a second

opinion.