July 2015 I was praying in the middle of the night asking the Lord to help and show me what to do to get my life straight with Him. It wasn’t about being healed, I just wanted to know that when I die I will be at peace with the Lord. I could hear Him say: “I can’t bless in this mess”. I was trying to hold on to a past that wasn’t for me. There were things that I had paid for that still needed to be done around the house and I didn’t want to let go until those things were done. Although every day I was being shown there was no intention on getting things fixed right away. I had bought the parts, but there was always an excuse to put off the fix until another day. Help me Lord to fix it and I will stop trying to fix things myself. I know that I can rely on you because you have always helped me physically, mentally, spiritually and financially when I didn’t know  how I was going to get through another month or even another day. (And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, Lord, hast not forsaken them that seek thee. Psalm 9:10) Help me to remember it is you Lord that provided and will provide.

7-25-15 Mom’s birthday party, it was a not treatment weekend. TYL for helping me arrange and be able to attend this somewhat surprise party for mom, I say somewhat because some of my nephews and nieces told her about it before time. It was a wonderful weekend with my family and friends of the family. We celebrated my Mom and brother-in-law birthdays. On the night of the dinner party for my brother-in-law, my sister came to me and confirmed what the Lord had said. She told me I need to let him go. It is God who gives second chances not us. I told her the Lord and I were working on it and it will happen in His time. She gave me a big hug before leaving that night. I had to work the next day (yes, I am still working whenever I am not taking treatments TYL) so I didn’t get to see them leave.

8-8-15 Another treatment weekend and the finalization of holding on to the past. The Lord gave me what to write. It was important that the date and conditions were in writing so there would not be any misunderstanding. He had two weeks, August 22, to make things right or move on. Although he tried to show reasons why he should have more time, it wasn’t something I could give him, I had to think about what was happening to me and the effects this lifestyle was having on both Chris and myself. TYL for guiding me, not allowing me to speak, or make any changes to what you had told me.

As I continue to work, come home, take care of what I could with the energy I had, he continued to do very little to show any signs of change.

8-22-15 He made arrangements to stay with a friend for a few months. This family just happened to live within looking distance of my home. It is also the family that he would spend most of his time helping, even when Chris and I needed him. I thought of many things as he left, but the Lord reminded me of all of the people that were waiting to help do the things they thought were getting done by him, I just needed to let them know I needed them. I had put a lot of trust in him and the abilities he said he had and things he was going to do. (Put not your trust in princes, nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help.  Psalm 146:3) This was the beginning of increasing my faith that the Lord would take care of all my needs.