November 2016

My blood work continues to be within normal range, but there are some concerns about my appetite and weight loss. I feel about the same and haven't changed any of my activities, but food doesn't seem to be a priority.

During this month of Thanksgiving, God is showing me that while I am thankful for all He is doing and how far I have come I also have to Forgive, it is part of healing.

Some years ago, I came across a saying and I have it posted to remind me:

“Holding a GRUDGE ~ is letting someone live

Rent free ~ in your head”

The Lord has shown me that not forgiving others don’t harm them, but causes me to be miserable and lead to illnesses in my body. After praying, He shown me things from even my childhood that I have been holding.

(For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Matthew 6:14)

My prayer: “Dear Lord help me to let go and forgive these people and situations.

Some of the people are not even living and those that are I want to

be able to face them with Your love in my heart. I sincerely ask you to

forgive me for allowing Satan to control that part of my mind for so long.

In Jesus name I thank you. Amen.”

(To the Lord our God belong mercies and forgivenesses, though we have rebelled against him; Daniel 9:9)
Without considering it, I had been rebelling against the Lord by holding on to these things. I thank Him for His forgiveness and I believe this was the beginning of a successful 15 hour trip in the backseat of a van with NO back pain. You see, Thanksgiving this year was at my brother’s and I thought about how miserable I might be, because sometimes I can’t even sit for a 2 hour meeting without getting up moving around. TYL for allowing me to make the trip both ways without even a pain pill. There were others in the vehicle that were sitting in individual seats that were complaining, but the Lord let that cramped backseat just fit me. The families were together again with the bonus of my niece's wedding. It was another blessed Thanksgiving season.

October 2016

TYL Even though I am not having treatments, it seems I still have a lot of doctor appointments.

My appointment with the eye doctor proved to be another “amazing” visit. There was hardly any change in my vision and the “white of your eyes are not as yellow”. This month I am claiming my healing and want there to be outward signs that others can see. TYL for continuing to show your faithfulness to me. (And in that day ye shall ask me nothing. Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it you. John 16:23)

The Lord continue to allow me to testify to others of His goodness, I believe this is another way of testifying to myself. Sometimes keeping the faith and standing strong is hardest for me when I see others going through. I can become sympathetic with them and start feeling for illnesses. TYL for reminding me that my life is not my own, but a testimony of your grace, mercy and healing power.

(But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God. Acts 20:24)

September 2016

TYL that as I continue “No Treatments” and seek you, you are  clearing my thoughts and my ability to concentrate on everyday business. (Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.  Proverbs 16:3)

9-20-16 TYL for the warning you sent last night in the form of a mouse. The mouse ran to the doorway but quickly turned and did not come in. (He heard the sound of the trumpet, and took not warning; his blood shall be upon him. But he that taketh warning shall deliver his soul. Ezekiel 33:5)  Today I received a call from my past and you helped me stay firm in my faith in you. I saw the mouse incident along with what was being said as a reminder of how you have been taking care of me and Chris. I was glad to hear that things in their life were getting better, but I did  not feel the urge to reconnect our lives. TYL for all of the blessings and people you have sent my way since this journey began. I can’t thank you enough. (I will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth. Psalm 34:1)

8-4-16 My monthly blood and weight check. They are both stable, TYL. It is only by His grace and mercy that I am yet fighting the fight. I know of other friends, that I consider as family, that are not doing so well. TYL that I have not had any surgeries or long term hospitalizations. I continue to pray against the enemy that is attacking them and their families. I realize that the attack is not just against me but everyone that loves and cares about me, in some way we all suffer.

During this journey I have had the chance to read a lot of awesome writings and I am convinced that anything that is not like the Lord or for my good is an enemy to me. (And Joshua said unto them, Fear not, nor be dismayed, be strong and of good courage: for thus shall the Lord do to all your enemies against whom ye fight. Joshua 10:25) When you know who or what the enemy is better it makes the fight easier. I didn’t always know the enemy or think I had the proper weapons needed to fight. (When I wept, and chastened my soul with fasting, that was to my reproach. Psalm 69:10)  The Lord heard my cries and showed me what I needed to do or say. So along with not calling my condition out I stop allowing others, including my doctors, to use the medical term for it. I would stop anyone and say “I have been told I have an inoperable mass in my liver”. I have been used to speaking or claiming things that the Lord did not mean for me to keep, NOT ANY MORE. It is a fight of reconditioning the way I think and pray. TYL for loving me and the people you send to encourage me and allow me to testify of your goodness. My His blessings be with you is my continued prayer.

7-1-16        It has been a little over a month since my last treatment. I guess I had hoped I would instantly be the person I was 3 or 4 years ago. I do feel better, not as tired all of the time. I believe I will continue feel to better each day. TYL (Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. Mark 11:24)

7-3-16        A lady told me I had a good attitude with everything that I have been through and what I am going through now. I told her we all have choices and although it may not change the outcome, it makes me feel better and I hope the people around me too. Carrying a sign or portraying a “doomed” appearance makes me feel worse. I can’t speak for anyone but me, “It lightens the load knowing I am not walking alone and He would want me to look my best and encourage others to the best of my ability.” (He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? Micah 6:8)

7-7-16        Another check up. Everything is looking good, except I lost weight. My appetite is not the best, but I have been trying to eat, and people are trying to help me by providing a variety of foods for us. TYL for caring people and I pray for each of them to have good health and prosper. (For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11)

7-19-16    3:30 a.m. I was awaken by music. At first I thought my son had come home from work and was playing the gospel channel, then I realized it was coming from the computer. “Glory, Glory Hallelujah since I laid my burdens down”. (And I will take you to me for a people, and I will be to you a God: and ye shall know that I am the Lord your God, which bringeth you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians. Exodus 6:7) After trying to turning off the computer, reading, checking on Chris, trying to get comfortable on the couch, I did what I felt the Lord was telling me to do “WRITE”. It is now 5:18 a.m., I am feeling tired and soon it will be time to start the day, but I know He will help me have a peaceful day. TYL He helped me have a peaceful restful day.

It has been a busy month. I a so glad I am able to assist with things at the church and the Lord is helping me feel better. I still have my ups and downs, but I know He is always with me.

6-9-16 TYL. Today after my blood draw, I talked with the doctor about why he wanted me to stop treatments for the next three months. He reminded me that I have been taking treatments for about 11 months and have had 4 scans. Since there was little signs of change he wanted to make sure the “plan of attack” was still the right one. I know, even though I hadn’t stopped doing the things I felt was necessary in my life, I felt drained and was becoming irritable. I didn’t want to be around or socialize with people once I finished work. Sometimes I know if I didn’t have to feed Chris, I wouldn’t eat. The doctor said he would like to credit the treatments for keeping me going, but he would like to see how I do without them. He added, I believe there is more at work here, as he pointed to up. I told him I know it is the Lord. TYL, it is good to see the doctor admit that the Lord is in control. (Now therefore stand and see this great thing, which the Lord will do before your eyes. 1 Samuel 12:16)

I did not feel much different during the month, but TYL I was not on treatments. 6-21-16 Chris had to go to the hospital. I started that morning like normal, but when I went to get him up he was limp, cold, clammy and unresponsive. As I drove to the hospital I talked with the Lord, “Lord I know you have given us more time together than the doctors had said, but Mom is out of town and I don’t want to go through this right now”. We got to the emergency room and I called my brother.

(Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: James 5:14)

Chris had a bad case of diarrhea which caused him to be dehydrated. The dehydration is what caused him to  be limp, cold, clammy and unresponsive. We were in the hospital from the 21 through the 27. I was glad I was not on treatments since I stayed with him most of the time and the chair/bed I had was not really comfortable. TYL for helping me stay focused and use this time to pray and witness about this journey.

5-17-16 This morning while listening to Daystar, Clayton King was talking about his book “Stronger”, how the Lord helped him through the death of nine family members within twelve years. I enjoyed what he said about “not stopping in the middle of the trial, but with God’s help we must go through it”. (Say unto God, How terrible art thou in thy works! through the greatness of thy power shall thine enemies submit themselves unto thee. Psalm 66:3)  This illness is my enemy. It has caused me to make changes in the way I live and feel, but it can not control my spirit.

5-31-16 Time for another CT scan, however I will have to wait until my next doctor visit on June 9th to get the results. I am believing that there will be good news. It is late in the afternoon and I receive a call from the doctor. He tells me the scan shows there has not been any noticeable change when compared to the last two scans. He would like to stop treatments for the next three months. I am to keep my appointment on June 9th to discuss any questions I may have. He said he wanted to  let me know so I wouldn’t be thinking about until then. However, I had already prayed and put my concerns into the hands of the Lord, I was willing to wait for the results. With this news came a flood of new questions. I felt as confused as I did when I was first told about the “mass”. (Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation. Isaiah 12: 2)

4-7-16 What a day at the doctors today. I had a “melt down” like never before. My doctor was concerned that I had not been getting enough rest. I explained to him about the events of the past two weeks so he was glad I didn’t have to go back to work until Monday. I am so glad that he is part of my treatment team, the other is my chiropractor. I see these two doctors on a regular basis and they probably know me better than anyone. I feel  free confiding in them, it helps keep my concerns to a minimum for my family and friends. TYL for this team. I continually pray for them and their families. (From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love. Ephesians 4:16)  We are all working together to understand and fight this battle, keeping the Lord at the head.

4-8-16 I went to work for a half day today and then to get treatment. I am glad I feel emotionally a lot better. The situation at work was resolved and I was able to finish the major things that needed getting done for the week. As I was resting in the chair at treatment, reflecting upon the past weeks and their events, I realized that I had been so involved with everyone’s problems that I hadn’t took time for myself or to be consumed with laughing at the situations. I have said “you can laugh at or with life or it will laugh at or get you”. I had allowed it to get to me. TYL for returning me to peace. (A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. Proverbs 17:22)

4-9-16 I was in so much pain last night that I took some pain medication, and fell asleep early. 3:00 a.m., I am awake, put in a load of laundry, prayed, sewed, changed the laundry, put in another load of laundry, sewed some more and finally went back to bed at 5:00. Back up at 6:30 on a Saturday. I prayed and reminded myself that I did not have to go to work. TYL for the energy and the ability to rest.

3-6-16 FAITH - (Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. .Hebrews 11:1) The substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen. Something as simple as preparing for the next day, hoped for but not seen. I recognize, that I live in that hope daily. I also live in the hope that someone will daily be inspired to see what the Lord is doing in my life, how He is keeping me. I give Him ALL of the praise, glory  and honor. TYL

3-7-16 (But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19)  It is days like today that His supplying all of my needs means more than just material things. I have struggled today to do the things that I felt needed to be done at work and at home. With the weather changing and the increase of allergens in the air, I’m not sure if it is part of my uneasiness. I feel itchy and it has been difficult at times to breath. But, He has provided for me all day today and I TYL. Tomorrow will be a better day. It is what I look forward to with HIS help.

3-8-16

Flashback: When my parents would punish us they would say “This is hurting me

as much or more than it is hurting you”. I couldn’t understand that then,

but I found myself feeling the say way when having to punish my boys.

I took no joy in it but knew it was for their own good. Hopefully it would

keep them from major mistakes in their lives. When they would hurt, it

would hurt me. Sometimes I would cry when they couldn’t see me.

On this journey, TYL for carrying me. When I think of mistakes I have made in life I have asked for His forgiveness. (If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14) When I feel the pains of this situation, I ask for His strength. Yes, I continue to ask for complete healing, but I ask mostly that I walk in His will for whatever the purpose and for Him to give me strength.

3-12-16 Today after getting Chris ready and taking him to my mother’s. I worked from 9 - 12:30, came home, changed clothes, took Mom, Pop and Chris to the hotel where my Sister and her family were staying for the weekend. After watching them swim we stopped at the store and got food for dinner. God blessed me to come home, make dinner and enjoy time with my family. TYL. There were 18 for dinner. When the thought of how I should be acting or living crosses my mind, I am reminded (Know ye that the Lord he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. Psalm 100:3)  I love and trust Him for that reminder.

3-25-16 Another treatment day. I had a staff member off so I was up about 4:30 a.m. so I would have plenty of time to get Chris and myself ready . I had to be at work at 7:00 a.m. As I was thanking the Lord for His help and giving me the strength, as always I asked Him to allow me to witness to someone today, be an encouragement, for His glory to shine.

I left for work, Chris’ brother was home to put him on the bus. TYL for my other sons who, although they have their own lives, are willing to help when they can.

The morning at work was hectic and before I knew it the time had come for me to leave. I knew what I had in mind for the rest of my day and didn’t know where witnessing would happen.

I stopped and picked up Chris from work, so I wouldn’t have to get back out late. I had to have a paper filled out by the doctor for Chris, so I dropped that off. I wanted to get a few more things for the grandchildren for Easter, so I stopped at the Dollar Store. It as there, as I was finishing my shopping a lady came from behind and said “Do you know God loves you?”. It was how she said it that caused me to turn and look at her. It was with an intimate deep breath of love. There wasn’t anything special about her appearance or what she was holding. Then she said it again, “Do you know God loves you?”. I told her I know He does and He is with me all of the time and even on this journey, I believe, He has me on. As we talked I told her about the doctors’ report from 2014 and Chris’ situation. She told me how she understood because “the work I do for the Lord keeps me bad situations, but it is good to know that “...He will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” (Hebrews 13:5) . I told her, yes I have taken great comfort in that for so many years. She then said, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1) . He is with you and your son. She noticed I had several items, including baby bibs, I told her I had twins baby granddaughters, another reason I had told the doctors “I didn’t have time to be sick and definitely not die”. You will continue to live, “...be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.” (Ephesians 6:10) . “Was there anything you were looking for?” I told her, “Potato chips”. We found them, shook hands and I turned to go check out. I looked back to thank her for her encouraging words and didn’t see her anywhere. I looked up a few isles, but she was gone. After I left the store I sat in the car waiting for her to come out for about 5 more minutes. Then I was reminded of Maria from 1977, who prayed with my mom and I for a week before my breast biopsy. Maria we concluded was an angel, because she was not on the regular staffing list nor were there any temporary staffing hired during that week. Other than her hair being shorter, this lady kind of reminded me of her. So I told Chris the story about the lady I just spoke to and my experience years ago, even he had to smile. TYL for your continued favor and reminders of your love.

3-27-16 Easter Sunday. It is rainy, sleety, and even snowing, but Chris and I will attend church. As I read and reflect on all the Lord went through so we could have a chance at life, peace and HEALING, if we want and ask for it, I am inspired to continue seek and serve Him. (Who His own self bare our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed. 1 Peter 2:24) The notes and verses that He has inspired me to write have been an inspiration and encouragement to me to keep trusting in the Lord. (Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Matthew 7:7-8)

Ask is very important in whatever we are

Seeking to find. Then we have to put forth the effort to

Knock, take some action and make some noise

It was a blessed day. I had a lot of stomach pain, but TYL you blessed me to prepare my part of the dinner and enjoy the day.

2-18-16 My day of complete healing. Sometimes you feel the worst before things are better. (Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. Mark 11:24)  Sometimes you have to believe even when circumstances are against what you are believing. I have a desire to be healed and I believe I will receive my healing, in the Lord’s time, and He will see me through until then.

2-19-16 Friday. Thought for the day “DO NOT GIVE UP”. Today I was faced with many challenges, this was the most important. I had placed some money in an account to use for my housing remodeling, but couldn’t find the “debit” card associated with it and I had people coming in the morning to make an installment. After looking during the day and praying, I came home and looked everywhere I thought it might be. I had decided I would call the bank in the morning and cancel that card and have a new one ordered, this would not help me tomorrow. Just before giving up I prayed again and the Lord showed me where to look. He brought it back to my remembrance. (But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. John 14:26)  TYL the power to remember.

2-25-16 After having my daily devotion, and the normal preparation of Chris and I, my friend came to go with me to find out the results from yesterday’s CT Scan. I was not fearful of the results, but I was very emotional. We prayed and she read aloud. Lamentations 3:22 - 57 with emphasis on verse 57 (Thou drewest near in the day that I called upon thee: thou saidst, Fear not. Lamentations 3:57) There still had not been much change in overall size. We were encouraged that it has not gotten any larger.

2-26-16 (Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.  Psalm 34:19) Today after my treatment I was not feeling good. I started to call for a ride, but believed I could make with the help of the Lord. I decided to get something to eat and had several places in mind. I stopped at Applebee's for some rib tips. The waitress was so nice about checking on me. She could  see there was something wrong, so I told her I had just come from treatment but I was alright. She stopped by my table several time to see if I needed anything and when she was not busy came and sat with me. I heard her tell some other customers she had a son and mentioned the church they attended. The next time she sat down I proceeded to give her the “very short” version of my journey. She looked at me and gave me these encouraging words “God must really like you and know you can handle this”. I told her with God’s help we all can handle whatever is sent our way. I found out she was a single mother raising 3 boys between the ages of 17 and 12. At the end of our time together, we exchanged hugs and how we had encouraged each other. She asked me to come again and that she would stop in to see me at work from time to time. God is truly amazing. Applebee’s was not my first or second choice as the place to eat, but it was God’s! TYL